A New Direction

So, about a month ago, I applied for a software engineering fellowship at Hackbright Academy. Now, why did I do this when I'm an artist?

Well, let's go back many years ago to my first degree. You see, I have a B.S. in Mathematics with a Specialization in Computing from UCLA. The Specialization in Computing was the math department's way of saying 'minor'. All this meant was that I took a few classes in programming: Pascal, C, Assembly. And back then, none of the classes made sense to me. I mean, it partially did, but I never figured out how to apply what I learned. It wasn't until I had my first iPod that I figured out how useful pointers to memory locations in lists were.

So, for years and years, I thought of myself as someone who could use software very well, but not much good when it came to the nuts and bolts of programming. Until I taught myself some basic HTML... Until I took a few scripting classes and realized that programming was starting to make sense to me. Suddenly, I started regretting not learning more programming or sticking with it all those years ago.

Now, I did think to myself that it was too late. I'm over 40. What am I doing thinking of changing careers again (I have had many different jobs in the past 20 years or so)? And besides, I really don't have the time nor the patience to sit through a college class and get another degree (I have two Bachelors of Science already.)

I tried taking a few online programming classes, but they weren't all that satisfying. One was so bad that I didn't even finish. But, I had ideas of applications I wanted to write (not surprisingly for pottery). I just had no idea how to create the application.

So, there I was, hating my job and bored too. Not really able to save enough money and not sure how to get out. I did apply for new jobs but that was going nowhere. And, I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a digital artist anymore. Yes, I love art, but I am really sick of virtual goods. And honestly, I'm not spending enough time trying to build an Empower Network team.

What was I going to do? I was stuck. But then, I learned about Hackbright Academy, a software engineering fellowship/developer bootcamp that could take novices or people who know nothing about programming and turn them into software engineers. In 12 weeks... Yes, I would have to quit my job (if I even got accepted) and yes, it would cost $15,000. BUT, I could more than make up that amount of money with a new job - they have about a 90% job placement rate. And, they only accepted women because they are trying to help bring more women into tech.

I applied. Got interviewed by someone who knew one of my pottery friends. Then, got interviewed by one of the founders (who is 17 years younger than I am... yeesh). And less than a week later, I found out. I got in.

I nearly squealed out loud. I was shaking as I typed instant messages to tell my friends and co-workers the good news. I could barely dial my phone to tell my mom.

And so, come the end of September, I shall be going back to school. I could not be more excited.

They can only say "no"...

So, I applied for a Fellowship today. The likelihood of being accepted is very low, and I could have let self-doubt or the stories of those who were rejected dissuade me from even applying.  But, if I did let them dissuade me, then I would be the one who caused me to fail, not the people in charge of the fellowship program.

How many times have you let yourself fail because you listened to others and didn't take a chance to try something new or something that seems impossible?

So now, I've applied. If I don't get accepted, that is fine. At least I tried. That in itself is a minor victory. If I don't get accepted, then maybe it was not meant to be. I can handle it because it is out of my control.

Here' s my challenge for you today. Try something new. It can be small... like a new coffee flavor or a new route home from work. Take small challenges on and graduate to harder ones once your confidence grows or even before your confidence grows. See what you can do if you just ignore the fear and the doubts of yourself and others.

The Art of Letting Go

No, not the song from the movie. More about letting go of old habits or ideas that hold you back. Recently, I sculpted a fish on a plate that went from this:

to this:

In one day.

To say that I was sad and disappointed would be an understatement. A number of well meaning friends suggested ways that I could save the plate, but in the end, I just didn't want to spend the time to save it or even finish it.

I let it go.

In many respects, this plate has become a metaphor for what I'm going through right now. I worked hard on this plate just like I did to learn the skills for my job and to get my job. I spent lots of time creating it and was quite proud of it just like my day job. However, it started cracking and fell apart. Just like my day job.

Now, I am not yet in a position to just walk away from my job. And part of me still wants a 9-5 job to make ends meet. But, the attitude, the idea that I need to have a day job is starting to show cracks. I know it is time to leave my job - just need a new one to replace it... perhaps Empower is that job. I also know I need to let go of old ideas and embrace something new. I need to let go of what I'm doing and pursue something different.

And that is what I am doing.

The road not taken...

There are a lot of things I love to do outside of work. Aside from working in clay, I also like to take pet portraits. I love animals and that includes snakes and lizards. Sometimes, I think I like animals more than I like people. Check that... most of the time, I like animals more than I like people.

But, that's not the point. Awhile back, I considered doing pet photography for a living. I was somewhat challenged by having to form packages to offer potential clients and trying to figure out how to find clients. You know... work. And somewhere along the way, I figured out that if I did try to do this for a living, I might to start to hate it and the freedom or the happiness that I found taking photos of animals would go away.

And so, I decided on a different path. And that is ok too.

A new hair cut, repaired shoes and a brainstorming session

So, the last few weeks, I have been feeling down. Trapped in the life that I've been leading with no idea how I was going to get out. However, I've been blessed with meeting other Empower affiliates and having great friends who just listen to me complain and who help me brainstorm ways to get out.
After last week's major venting session, I had a good week at work with only a few conversations that gave me a horrible headache.

And I had two great discussions with a few friends. With this internet marketing and all that I'm learning, I'm starting to apply what I've learned to my clay business. And I thought, I'm pretty savvy to the internet and social media. What about those people who could use some help navigating this world? Well, there's a business opportunity. One friend gave me examples of other artists who could use the help. Another set of friends gave me ideas of how much to charge someone to get them set up and how to maintain their sites.

Today, I have been buzzing and feeling positive all day long. For the first time in a very long time, I feel hope. My new hair cut (which is very similar to one I had before), the pari of shoes I bought that were too big, then adjusted, then broken by me again were repaired quickly and pretty cheaply. And just being able to talk to friends over iced green tea. It's been a great day.
Later tonight, I'll get to go see some kittens and then I'll work in clay.

Today has been a good day.

What are you passionate about?

The above is a dragon sculpture I just finished. It still needs to be fired and glazed... oh, did I not mention that I'm a clay artist? I don't think I have. I've been working in clay for about 18 years. Crazy to think about. I tried to make a living off of my clay art, but wasn't quite successful. I was terrible at marketing my art.  And it was in the days before internet marketing.

And so, I went down the path many people do. I got a day job. And yet, I still kept my hands in clay. Why? Well, I tend to go a little crazy if I don't get to work in clay. It is my therapy. On bad days, I can punch and pound a piece of clay, and I can't hurt its feelings. On good days, I can create simple things such as bowls or more complex pieces like the dragon.

I love working in clay. It is my passion and I am not afraid to say it out loud or tell my boss that I much prefer working in clay than what I do for my job. I am prouder and more willing to show off my clay work than what I make for work.

So, how about you? What are you passionate about? Are you afraid to let people know? If so, let's figure out a way to decrease that fear so you can live freely and do what you love to do.

525,600 minutes in a year. How do you measure a year in your life?

I'm a big fan of musicals. One song, "Seasons of Love" from RENT asks the question: 525,600 minutes. How do you measure, measure a year?

Right now, I measure my life in terms of how many months, days, weeks left until my next vacation.

On a day to day basis, I measure my life in terms of my 2 hour commute to work, 8 hours or so of working and a 2 hour one commute home, one or 2 hours of something for myself when I get home (including cleaning, feeding the cats, feeding myself, watching some Empower videos and blogging).

I admit, it's not a great way to measure my life. It's what I have right now. But I know what I'm working toward. One day soon, I shall measure my life in how much art I produce, how much time I spend with my family or friends, how much time I get to spend doing what I dream of doing or how many countries I have visited and places I've seen.

The song say to measure your life in love. I can do that. I will measure my life in doing what I love to do.

Fear

I am a big fan of DUNE by Frank Herbert. This is probably my favorite passage. It's a lesson for everyone despite its science fiction origin.

It's scary to try new things, to do business out of the norm. And it is normal to be scared. However, will you let that fear stop you from taking that first step, from even considering a new direction?

Maybe it would be good to remember the Bene Gesserit Litany against Fear. Maybe it would help to recite it out loud... in any situation.

Acknowledge your fear. Let is pass by and through you. Only you will remain.